Lonely

So, as a graduate student, Nick leaves me to go on collecting trips every once in a while.  When we were first married, he worked for a professor that was doing a project on pigmy rabbits, and so he was gone a lot of weekends and weekdays on trips as well.  Back then, I really had nothing to do.  I would go to work, come home, cook something, watch a movie, read a book…..and cry myself to sleep.  Later, he ended up going on lots of fishing trips and school fieldtrips overnight, and what would I do?  Watch 50 First Dates and eat waffles.  This year, it's been graduate trips and bug collecting.  But no more Henry Roth and waffle houses……now it's cat turds and baby barf……

Yes, Nick left on another trip this morning and will be gone for the next 3 days.  I always hate it when he leaves, but now even more so with Tristan.  I couldn't imagine being a single mom, handling a baby by myself is one of the hardest things I've ever done.  Already today he's had three melt downs and I can't ever figure out what he wants!  I suppose all mommies go through that, but when he's screeching in my ears for hours on end, I get super frazzled.   I don't even think he knows what he wants most of the time.

I tend to bake when I get bored and lonely, but I've already made 6 batches of cookies in the last week and a batch of cakebites.  I've had a hankering to make sour cream coffee cake, but then what will I do with it?  That and when I start on something, Tristan starts screaming, so there I am, my fingers coated in dough and he wants to be held.  Get Nick to do it.  But he's not here.

I really do hate when Nick leaves.  I miss him terribly.  I used to let the cats sleep with me when he'd go away, but they are just too naughty to not be monitored.  And I don't want Tristan to get used to sleeping in our bed, so he's in his crib, and I'm alone.  Friday could not come any sooner.