Home at last!!!

Oh my gosh, that was seriously the longest week of my life.  Most women go into spontaneous labor….haha suckers.  I knew when I was getting my baby.  Now, of course that made me extra super way dang nervous.

Funny,  the thing that made me most nervous wasn't getting my stomach cut open and ripped apart……it was the stupid epidural.  I'm ok with needles, I promise.  But a giant catheter into my spine?  With no labor pains to distract me?  That was the start of my lost dignity.  I didn't cry, and I hardly made a peep, but inside I was screaming!  You know that phrase doctors use? "you might feel a little bit of pressure?" yeah, what they really mean is, this is going to hurt like heck, brace yourself.  Then they have to tell you everything you are feeling is completely normal, even though you know this man has never had an epidural in his life……oh well.  But Nick held my hand and let me squeeze as hard as I wanted, haha and he probably squeezed just as hard back.  As soon as that was over, my next favorite part started.  Numbness, I hate numbness.  It is like my least favorite thing, and kinda freaks me out.  So everything from my ribs down started to get all tingly and hot……then it was like I was only half a body lying in a hospital bed.  I also got a bladder catheter…..I will spare you those details, but! I didn't feel any of it!

The whole reason I had gone in was to attempt a version, which is where they try and turn the baby manually.  If he flipped, I got to try for a normal birth, if not, the C-section.  I got wheeled down to the OR, trying very hard to keep my cool the whole time, Nick following right behind me.  Shelly met us there with the doctor who was actually going to be doing the version and probable C-section.  I was soooo glad to see her there!  She and the surgeon explained how they were going to try and rotate Tristan around, and that if he didn't tolerate it they would just do the surgery right then.  Being brave, I just nodded my head and tried to hold still as possible as the transferred me from my bed to the table.  I couldn't see, but apparently the surgeon drew a giant smiley face on my belly before doing the ultrasound and said "this is how you start off a surgery!"

I am soo glad I was numb, I sure could feel the pulling and tugging as they tried turning him, but no pain at all.  Nick said it looked pretty brutal and that Tristan went nuts.  But, the little booger wouldn't budge. So Shelly said, ok Sara, we're just going to go ahead with the c-section.  And I screamed a little in my head, but just kept telling myself to stay calm.  They put up the curtain so I couldn't see what was going on, and Nick sat by my head holding my hand and stroking my hair.  That helped quite a bit, but I couldn't think of much else other than all the weird tugging and pulling on my belly.  The anesthesiologist stayed close as well, telling me everything that was going on and in his thick Indian accent said, "it's almost baby time!!"  Then I heard my little boy cry.

I didn't get to see him over the curtain, but Nick went away with him to get cleaned up while they closed my incision.  About 20 minutes later Nick brought him back for me to see for the first time.  Oh my gosh, even though I was completely out of it and terrified out of my brain, he looked so beautiful.  And his eyes were covered in goop that I nuzzled all over my cheeks.  Hey, my hands were occupied.  The nurses took him away again and I got put back into my bed, they made me roll over onto it which was very hard……and then I got to go back upstairs to my room to recover.  Everyone kept saying he looked like a breech baby, keeping his feet up in his face.  And I was like, yep.

Well, my nice anesthesiologist gave me a large dose of morphine after the surgery, which sent me off to lala land and I slept quite contentedly for the next couple hours.  Minus being woken up every half hour to have my feet and vitals checked…..oh well, I got used to it.  I think the first thing I did was feel my belly and say, wow, I can feel my ribs again!  After I recovered, they took me down to mother/baby where I would spend the rest of the week.  I got to try my hand at breast feeding for the first time, which I was not very coherent for, and 24 hours after my surgery the IV and catheters all came out.  OUCH! is all I have to say about that.  I wasn't in too much pain at first because of the morphine and IV torodol they gave me, but once all that wore off, and all I had was my motrin and tylenol…..I was in tears a couple of times.  Shelly offered me a couple pain killers, but I'm so skeptical about them, I kept telling everyone I was fine with the motrin and just dealing with it.  It was funny, Shelly came in to round on me and was like, "why aren't you taking any medicine?!"  But it started to get a whole lot better the more I got up and out of bed, walked around, things like that.  And every few hours, they would bring Tristan in to feed.  Nick adores that little guy, he cuddled and cradled him for hours.  I was soo grateful for all his help.  He would bring Tristan to me to feed, then he would take care of swaddling him, changing his diapers, making him happy when he was fussy.  It was awesome!  Since I pretty much couldn't move at all the first little while.  And my cute daddy sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses that made my room smell divine.

Another funny note, the food.  I guess I'm the most difficult person they have had to feed ever.  We tried explaining to multiple nurses and food service people how to make my food, but they just didn't get it or the message got lost in translation……they  meant well I'm sure, everything came up pureed, but! completely unsuitable to me to eat.  By the 4th day though, haha, they got it right.  It took talking to a dietician and the head of room service to get it done though.  Up until that point I pretty much starved….oh well.  It was a good last day and a half of food at least.  They felt badly enough about it soo they brought me a little gift basket to say sorry for the trouble.

And, another crazy note……after my epidural wore off , I realized I still couldn't feel my right buttcheek.    But it hurt like the dickens to lay and sit on….weird I know.  I kept asking about it, and then nurses would say, oh it's from laying on it, or oh it'll wear off in a little bit.  But it never did.  Finally, the last night we were there, the nurse said, oh, that's weird, let me check with your anesthesiologist.  And he said he would check me out before I got discharged.  He ended up ordering an MRI to make sure I didn't have any significant nerve damage.  And I hate MRI's, lying perfectly still in a tiny cylinder for an hour?  On my aching butt?  Not my cup of tea.  I ended up crying for that one too……rock on post pregnancy hormones.  Turns out I have some swelling around my nerves and in my butt bone as well as a significant tear to the muscle…..probably from all the yanking and pulling to get my stubborn breech baby out.  Oh well, he said the feeling should come back in a few weeks.

And today we got to come home!!!!  I was soo excited.  I got to put on real clothes, that hardly fit, and look skinny again!  And my little baby boy is home with us.  It is soo amazing.  It was a little crazy driving home with him sitting next to me in the backseat, realizing, oh my, this is actually happening.  I'm a mommy now!  I get to actually legitamently celebrate mother's day!  Nick was incredibly sweet.  He got me a gift from him and Tristan for mother's day, a very beautiful dragonfly necklace that is blue and green.  He told me thank you for giving birth to our son.  What an amazing experience.  It was scary and hard yes, but very worth it.  Holding that little angel in my arms for the first time?  Nothing can every top that!  Seeing his little face, and hands and feet, knowing he is mine and Nick's forever completely overwhelmed me with such love and joy I have never experienced before.  I can't wait for all of the exciting moments yet to come.  He is such a calm and sweetly dispositioned baby.  And I love how much Nick loves him too.  What a miraculous blessing for our little family.