Good friday

Ah, got to sleep in, till 7!  So exciting.  And then baby went back to sleep, till 10!  It was amazing.  We took Nick to school at 11, and then went back home to hangout and clean up a bit.  Amber and I had planned on getting together for some mommy baby time, and decided to go stroll around the mall.  It was funny, when Nick and I were first dating and went to the Orem mall, we laughed at the surplus of pregnant women or women pushing strollers.  All of a sudden, I was one of them!  But hey, it's a good way to get out of the house, be among people, and look at things you wish you had enough money to buy.

Amber treated me to some Cold Stone (and they got my order right!  Imagine that!), thanks again Amber! And then we walked around some more before settling on a bench to chat.  There was one point where an old grandma lady walked up super close behind Isaacs stroller to ooh and ahh at him.  Tristan made faces and squeaky noises at all the nosy passers-by, and got really excited when he saw Isaac.  He loves babies, it's adorable!  The two of them got comfortable eating their fingers and drooling all over their mommies, silly kids.  Amber pointed out the light at the end of the tunnel though, "they eventually grow out of it, you don't see many drooly teenagers".  It is true, and hopefully Tristan won't be sitting in my lap at the mall when he is 15.  Apart from being very awkward, he'd probably crush me.

Eventually the babies got hungry, and agreeing it would be terribly awkward to feed them with an audience, we said our goodbyes and decided to get together again next week.  It's always fun getting together with Amber, especially since we can relate so well (infants and busy husbands).  Tristan and I started towards home, but decided going to see daddy would be more fun.  So we drove through a crazy buttload of traffic to campus.  Didn't know there was a football game, but Nick found us a parking spot and we spent the evening in his office.  Nick worked, and Tristan and I played while we listened to/watched the football game.  And BYU won!  Yeay!  Much better than last week, which was pretty much a terrible embarrassment.  Ruining their rivalry game, how sad.  Probably won't be able to do that all the time, but it's way nice to get to spend some time with Nick.  He is my favorite after all, and since I don't get to see him as much anymore, I'll take whatever I can get!!

Hanging out at daddy's work!

Nick was so excited about BYU's win, he wanted to play Madden when he got home with Will.  Let's just say Will is much more skilled when it comes to virtual football than my dear husband.  But it was supper funny to watch, especially since Nick was having a little too much fun losing, hahaha.

Plan for tomorrow?  Use the rest of my film, buy size 3 diapers (holy cow!!!) at Sam's club and cleaning for Sunday.  Hopefully a good nap somewhere in there as well.  Happy Friday!!!


Blast from the past:

Our first picture…..on our first date…..meeting for the first time!  

Jan 5 2006

New things

Tristan discovers mommy's reindeer

Then he discovers his polar bear from Nana

Suki decides to sleep on top of the kitchen cabinets

Tristan learns to dance with daddy!

Learning Experience

So my dad and I had a lovely chat about my pictures the other day.  I showed him what I was talking about, the foreground and the background, and how things appeared to be on different planes even though they were right next to each other.  And he explained to me about aperture and shutter speed and lighting and focusing.  I think my next roll of film will turn out much better.  He also made me feel better by saying that usually with a film camera, you are lucky to get one super good shot from a roll.  I guess that makes sense, you can't go back and delete unwanted things or preview before you develop.  But like I said, that's what makes it charming and exciting.  Even though most of my pictures didn't turn out how I was anticipating, it was still fun.  So I can't wait until I can develop my next roll.  I really like the artistic aspect of having a film grain on the pictures as well.  I used to play with that filter in photoshop, and now it's just there, haha.  Funny huh?

Then Nick and I were looking online at prices of a digital SLR…..let's just say it's going to be awhile before I get one of those!  Maybe for Christmas in a few years, haha.  It's crazy though, the little digital point and shoots are like $50 now.  I remember when I got mine 4 years ago, it was $250 for a 7.1 mgpxl.    Technology is funny isn't it?  I got a 4 GB Ipod for like $200 + when they first came out.  And my laptop I got when I was starting college?  That thing is a beast, must weight like 8 lbs or more.  Eh, but it's dead. Probably time to do some upgrading, huh?  The only thing is when you do, you're outdated again in a year.  Oh well.

Anyhoo, I'm going to get my latest roll developed in a couple days and then we can see how those turned out, they are mostly outdoor shots and such.  Hopefully good!

Film

Well, let's just say my first experience with a film camera didn't go as well as I would have liked.  My dad had sent me an old professional grade Nikon, and when it wouldn't turn on, he sent me another Nikon he had used when I was a kid. It appeared to be fine, but when developed, it seemed everything I focused on, the camera made blurry.  Maybe I had the wrong shutter speed or film setting or something.  Oh well, learning process.  Although I doubt Nick will let me practice anymore.  It's 3 bucks to develop and 5 for the CD.  Digital is easier and less expensive, and for the moment, sharper.  I'm confident I'll get better though.  I didn't have a flash, so the pictures in the sunlight turned out tons better.  So maybe I'll just do outside or in the window from now on.  And I need to get online and look up a manual to figure out shutter speeds.  But for the time being, here are the few non blurry ones.  I've got Tristan and Isaac and the kitties, as well as Nick's mom and random items.  Enjoy

Mommy Blues

I had a realization this weekend……

I feel insignificant sometimes.  Nick is working.  I'm not.  Nick is going to school.  I'm not.  Nick has a calling, a very time consuming calling I might add, and I do not.  I feel so blah.  I don't belong in the ward we go to, and technically I'm not even in it.  I can't even sit through one meeting or hear anything because I'm too preoccupied with Tristan.  He always is the worse between 12:30 and 3 PM.  So I find myself bouncing up and down in the halls with his scream echoing where everyone can still hear.  

I get so frazzled when he is screaming and crying and I can't make him stop or escape anywhere.  Like yesterday, Nick wanted to go fishing.  I don't mind so much, but when he's in the river and I'm pushing the stroller and holding Tristan watching from the bike path…..it's not very fun.  Especially when Tristan starts crying, very loudly, and I can't get him to stop.  And I'm hoping Nick will hear and take pity on me and say, ok, I can be done, let's go.  So when he didn't, and of course I thought we were doing something else so hadn't dressed appropriately (high heels, jeans, dressy top….90 degrees), I became very agitated and angry, having a complete meltdown at him, which he really didn't deserve.  

I hate being home all day everyday, without even a house key to go take Tristan to the park.  I hate feeling out of place in a singles ward.  I hate missing out on church meetings.  I hate being a maid.  I hate not working and being able to socialize.

But then Nick does something sweet, like he did yesterday after fishing.  He took me up to campus so I could take pictures with my film camera.  And when I see Tristan's face light up with a smile, or hear his little giggle, my heart melts and I remember why I love being a mom.  And then I feel guilty, because I know it's not easy for Nick.  I know it's hard to have that much responsibility, so many things to remember and take care of.   And Tristan isn't being horrible on purpose, he's just a baby.  I just hate feeling like I don't have the same opportunities.  I hate not being able to do things I really want to.  This whole being a woman thing kind of gets to me sometimes.  Having to stay home….be a homemaker, hasn't really made me feel fulfilled.  And maybe that's because I'm not approaching it correctly.  I'm not seeing the importance of my responsibilities as I should.

I think of friends from high school, where they are in their lives.  And sometimes I envy them, things they've been able to do, opportunities I wish I'd had.  And then I think of Nick, and Tristan.  How could I possibly be happier singing on a stage when they are my whole life?  I remember being a wide eyed freshman in college, a music major.  I wanted to be on broadway or in an opera company some day. I still get sad when I realize it's probably never going to happen.  I try and think of things I could do, little hobbies I can keep myself busy with.  Like photography, but that's expensive so I don't get to do it that often.  Scrapbooking was fun, till it got expensive and Tristan got needy.  I love to bake, but who's going to eat it?   I was writing a book, but my ADD brain isn't letting me finish, and I just don't have the energy once I finally get Tristan down for a nap.  That or there is a pile of laundry or stack of dishes calling my name.

Do all new mom's feel this way?  So out of touch with everyone and everything, so overwhelmed, so irritable, so lonely?  Probably, I can just hope that things get better with time.

My screaming child

Screaming is not becoming.

After uncle Will nearly burned the house down by broiling a pizza for 8 minutes, we needed to open the windows for some fresh air.  And the whole neighborhood got to smell and hear us as Tristan screamed his little heart out…

And to all you parents out there….why didn't anyone warn me about Huggies???  Worst diaper brand ever!  Tristan peed out 3 times, and pooped out twice….all on my bed.  Next to the screaming so hard he would barf up all his food, my bed has been ruined.  Yeah, about that, there we are at physical therapy, and without warning, Kelly and I are both covered in baby barf.  And I was wearing sandles, ewwww.

Silly silly baby!

You guys want to have a party at my house?

A little bit ago my dad sent me an old Nikon film camera.  Well, I decided to try it out!  Amber and Isaac came over today, and for the 5 minutes both our babies were happy, we took a couple pictures.  It was a lot of fun actually.  I think part of the charm of film cameras is that you can't see the result right away.  You have to go through all the film and then get it developed.  I kind of want to take a bunch of random pictures just to be able to see how the baby ones turned out!  I bet they are super cute.  Isaac and Tristan both have a darling smile.  Aren't babies just the cutest?  So I'll post those as soon as I have them!

We also dug out Tristan's door bouncer and Nick put it together.  He didn't really know what to do with it, haha, every time he moved it swung quite a bit and scared him.  Then he started hopping and having fun.  It'll be better once he's able to hold himself up a little more.  He's doing fairly well I'd say for 4 months old.  It's so awesome, I get to see him grow and change everyday!  He's also had this weird screeching phase going on where all he wants to do is scream.  And it's not like a mad scream, but "hello!  I'm here!" or "wow! look at that!"  If it weren't so ear piercing it'd probably be really adorable.